"You're crazy, that never happened."
"You're too sensitive."
"You're making things up"
Are these phrases that you constantly hear from your partner that cause you to question yourself? If so, your partner might be using something called "gaslighting" — a form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts and sanity, giving the abusive partner power and control.
History of Gaslighting
The term "gaslighting" comes from a 1938 stage play called Gaslight, in which a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights in their home (which were powered by gas), then denies that the lights change when the wife asks him about them. Once an abusive partner has used gaslighting to break down the victim's ability to trust his or her own perceptions and beliefs, the victim is more likely to stay in the abusive relationship, because he or she no longer believes it's possible to survive without the abuser.A Slow Burn
Gaslighting usually happens gradually in a relationship — so gradually that the abusive partner's actions seem harmless at first. Over time, a victim can be confused, anxious, isolated and struggling with depression, and even lose sense of what is actually happening. They may also suffer from low self esteem.Gaslighting Can Occur in Any Relationship, Personal or Otherwise.
Gaslighting can occur in the workplace, as well. When misconduct occurs within a business, an employee may refrain from reporting it, for fear of losing their job. This fear is sometimes instilled in them or worsened by management, who employs gaslighting tactics in order to keep the misconduct under wraps. For example, an employer may claim that the distressed employee is simply overreacting to every day operations, when in fact there is abusive, unlawful or immoral behavior occurring. This is called whistle-blower gaslighting, and is just as harmful and wrong as any other kind of gaslighting. (1)Personal Signs That You are Being Gaslighted
While the above are the common signs your partner will exhibit if he or she is gaslighting, there are also tell-tale signs you will start to notice within yourself. It's important to pay attention to these signs and indicators. How you chronically feel can be a red flag that something is off or wrong. And while you may not currently believe it, your feelings absolutely matter. According to author and psychoanalyst Robin Stern, Ph.D., the following are signs of being a victim of gaslighting. Do any of them apply to you?If you identify with these 10 signs, you're most likely being gaslighted.
For example, you:- Are constantly second-guessing yourself.
- Start to question if you are too sensitive.
- Often feel confused and have a hard time making simple decisions.
- Find yourself constantly apologizing.
- Can't understand why you're so unhappy.
- Often make excuses for your partner's behavior.
- Feel like you can't do anything right.
- Often feel like you aren't good enough for others.
- Have the sense that you used to be a more confident, relaxed and happy person.
- Withhold information from friends and family so you don't have to explain things.
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